My boss has a way of moving goalposts by drawing negative attention to a different set of data points. If we have done well on the new acquisition, he will say that overall costs have gone up.

The only way to combat a data war is by providing more data. Find points that support your stance.

Remember that his only intention is to create discomfort. He is least bothered about the results he is talking about.

Support your arguments with strong reasons. Explain that certain things are beyond your control, but you are working on whatever is possible.

Give a series of steps you have taken to align your team, and distribute targets further. Also assure him that strict action will be taken against the non-performers. In this manner, you echo his stance and make him feel that his operational style is correct.

A boss of mine told me on the first day, “Good management is about not giving people what they want. It prevents complacency.” It was not a nice experience, but it alerted me to possibilities of further mishaps, and I had sufficient time to tailor my style using tact. I befriended his favourite in the office and she put in a few good words about me. It drew me into the favored circle, though I never liked the concerned person.

I am friendly with a colleague from another vertical whom my boss does not like. He remains suspicious that information may be leaked. I don’t want to lose a good friend. How do I handle the situation?

Explain the situation to your friend. Ensure that you are not seen hanging around with your friend during office hours or in nearby joints.

If your boss brings up the topic, explain that you understand intricacies of office politics and are careful in your conversations. It helps to get some information from your friend though. You are ultimately, your boss’s eyes and ears in the office set-up, and will do nothing to jeopardize team interest.

There is no harm in dropping a sentence that your friend now keeps a distance, because his boss does not like that.

My close friend is now alienated because I received a promotion, and she reports to me. How do I revive the relationship without letting it affect work?

Be firm, but polite when talking about work. 

Other than that, be as friendly as you can in the lunch room or watercooler conversations. If you meet outside the office, avoid conversations related to work. Behave in the same manner as you did earlier.

If she expects you to recommend her for a promotion, but it is not possible, explain that you have limited power but will make your best effort.

She may not want to lose the friendship entirely, because it can have an adverse impact later.

I was in a situation where the new employee reporting to me was my husband’s senior’s wife. She was a refined and polite person, but asked for a change of department. I think it helped awkward situations for both of us.

The least you can do is to avoid being arrogant or supercilious. The rest of it depends on her level of maturity.

My colleague in the next cubicle displays bad manners like talking loudly on the phone, eating on the desk and leaving it dirty. How do I deal with the situation?

Be extra nice to her and develop a good bond. Help wherever and whenever you can.

It develops trust that you care about her interest. Then you can politely speak to her alone, and point out that she is losing popularity because of her habits. Mention only once and never talk about it again.

Continue the positive interactions. Maybe she takes your advice and mends her ways.

Should I drive a better car than my boss does?

You are strongly tempted to do it, because you want a lifestyle in line with your value system. You can afford it, maybe with the help of a loan.

Individual circumstances can be different despite the fact that your boss earns more than you do. Maybe s/he looks after aged parents or pays for the education of grown-up children. Maybe you have a double income in the family while your boss does not have it.

Should it really affect the relationship?

I had a female boss once who did not like the fact that I dress well. Another one turned negative after he heard stories about my five-star dinners with my husband.

Ego is always at play. But why should I sacrifice my happiness or lifestyle, because my boss believes in living simply?

A colleague of mine was tactful. He gave his wife the better car, and continued to drive the old one. The more expensive car was always there for their weekend outings, outstation trips and picnics. It was out of the boss’s sight.

It makes sense not to talk about your lifestyle in office, if it is better than that of others. Talk about work, general affairs or mundane household matters. 

What matters in the long term is your career growth. You don’t want the lifestyle to come to an abrupt end with negative changes in your career.